Seriously!? SERIOUSLY??

Really? I mean, seriously. The Gambit antics are just reaching absurdly ridiculous proportions. At least this time he didn't cause any bodily harm to himself (though I certainly wanted to cause some bodily harm). I should preface this and say that I truly love this kid. However, I do not find it fun, exciting, or remotely appropriate to clean POOP out of my carpet. Yes, human fecal matter in my carpet. I'm sorry, but that was not part of my job description when I agreed to this whole motherhood thing. Which, by the way, I'm beginning to think is all just a rouse to find out the many different ways that Mrs. Mom can lose her patience and scream and curse into a pillow. My poor children. I really feel bad for them for getting stuck with me.

Anyway, back to the wonderful world of poop. As I was cleaning downstairs (how domestic of me) I was thinking about how wonderful it was that the boys were playing so nicely upstairs in the playroom. I was enjoying dancing along to some music while sweeping the kitchen floor. You know, sort of like Mary Poppins or Cinderella. Gambit comes downstairs a few minutes later, sans any type of clothing or diaper. As I watch his little nakiness run around I see some mysterious brown marks on his derierre. "Oh Dear," I think to myself. "That looks an awful lot like poop." I immediately run to the source of said brown-ness and find a nice lump on my carpet. "Whew," I say. "Not exactly where I would like poop to end up, but at least it's a nice little lump that can be put in the toilet." Only then, to my utter horror, do I notice my staircase. After Gambit decided defecating on my carpet would be fun, he proceeded down the stairs to finish whatever devious task he had plotted in that tiny little head. Now, Gambit is very small for his age and has a hard time walking up and down the stairs because his legs are so short. He prefers to scoot down on his bottom. Do you see where I am going with this? All down my stairs are some perfectly placed poop streaks. All. The. Way. Down. This is one of those moments that I'm sure I won't be proud of in the years to come, but at the time I was seriously pissed. And a few profanities may have escaped my lips. I immediately clean up the stairs (that double as a toilet) and praise that man or woman who invented Resolve carpet cleaner with oxygen action.

Gambit did not have a very good rest of the day. Mommy was not too happy with him so he went to his Nonni's house to play. I think I scared him enough that this won't happen again. I do not deal with poop or vomit. Gross. Gross. Gross. I think the moral of the story is: if you have young kids that like to poop on carpet you need to invest in some good carpet cleaner, or perhaps an industrial strength steam cleaner and if you have young kids that like to poop on carpet, do not underestimate the power of duct tape at keeping a diaper on.